|
| Well today was an intersting morning. i get up early to go to the doctors so that a man who knows nothing about me can ask me a whole lot of questions that he reallie doesnt care what the answer to it is. just so that he can tell me what i already knew and let me know that i should stop drinking and it would make everything a lot easier for me and make me more happy. the truth is i dont drink that much any more just a lot on the weekends but who doesnt right. he wants to continue treatment and see me once a week for an hour but honestly who has that kind of time to waste i certainly dont. i have things to do and sitting in a chair for an hour and let some guy pick at me isnt my kind of fun. this was the one reason that i never wanted to go to these kinds of people in my life. they dont know what their talking about and everything they say makes you want to jump up and kick their ass. i dont like these kinds of people at all and i refuse to go and see him again ever. i can deal with my own shit. | | |
| 
sexy mama...lol
look at that ass..... | | |
| its amazing what people can't say to one another. that the best way for something to get across and be realized is from writing it down. And in doing that, you never realize how many people know everything about your life and the problems that your having. personally,its not their place to know everything. the worst things is knowing that more people know and understand the problems that your having then you do. its nice to find out that way isnt it. They always say the internet is a great source of information they just don't tell you what. well here you go.... you think that by starting over things would be better and for a couple of days they are and then things just go back to the way they were. same feelings, frustration and aggrevation and honestly you dont know where its coming from and then you think everything was fine until you left and you saw what you were missing by being here and they you thought well if things sux here then you could stay away and everything would be fine. but you think that too late and now your back wishing for other things that arent going to happen. but what your leavin again and this time for good whats going to happen then. if you couldn't handle 4 months what makes you think 1 year will be better. you never know what life is going to bring your way and whats going to happen in a few days even. you just dont know. you are young and its hard to say that at this age your going to spend the rest of your life with the person you are with right now.. honestly thats hard for me to even think about. you make plans to do all these things but in reality most of them wont come true. youve always been told that if this isnt what you want tell me now and dont hurt me more, but what if what you think you want is you and you dont know how to get over whatever it is thats stopping you or maybe as youve been told your not gay because of this and that and that you dont like women so what are you doing with one and the only thing you can say is i dont know. what are you suppose to. leaving would hurt both of you and make unhappiness but staying makes the person happy and complete in a way what do you do???? | | |
| When somethings happens and your afraid that it will happen again you cant help but question everything thats different. Like what happens when your apart or what they do and where they are when your somewhere else and then there are those times that you try and surprise then but then there not there. thats when things start to run through your head and their never good. As in married couples their are always signs of affairs or the voyage that something bad is on its way. But you never know what it is until it happens rite. but how do you know how do you save yourself from having to go til the end and hurt even more. I question their is never an anwser. The famous words people always say is "nothings wrong"... i hate those words.... i know i use them all the time but thats different everyone knows that i hate to talk about things, but with people who talk about everything its not something you want to hear.. Theres a feeling you get when you know that somethings up and ive had that feeling for awhile now and i dont know where its coming from, i do but i dont want to know and i dont know how to get rid of it.....
anyways on a happy note.. next wednesday nancy and i leave for paris and then on to amsterdam where i plan to smoke for hours and then its back here to work and live life. | | |
| its funny how life works. the moment youve been waiting forever finally starts happening but it cant because of how things are now. i hate life and how it tortures people. cant things happen the way their suppose and when their suppose too and when the time was there. my life is so screwed up and now everything is just way out of whack. im lost on everything. i dont know what im going to do about school, work, moving back to the states, nancy and what were going to do and then everything else that happening on the side. why does the world of living be so hard. im going to cry | | |
|
|
Layout by NaTaLiE
